Hmm.

What the Hell? How can Allison pee out of the back of her diaper, wetting her onesie halfway up the back without it going anywhere else?

(Time passes)

And again! How can she keep doing this??

(Little bit of time passes, haven't changed her yet)

Oh. 'Cause Jenna is sucking on the back of her every chance she gets. Guess that makes Jenna a back biter, huh?

Things I've Learned.

1. If we are going to Tennessee, absolutely nothing will prevent us from leaving at noon. Not packing the night before, not planning to leave by nine, we will always leave at noon (this has happened four times now =) - sometimes even intentionally!)
   
2. If we are driving east on I-64 in Kentucky, it will rain so hard that frogs may be even be falling, though it's raining too hard to tell.
   
3. If we are driving south on I-75, we will hear the emergency broadcast system break-in at least once. This time it was only a Severe Thunderstorm warning - from an area we had even passed through!
   
4. My dad will do anything to get out of coming up when I hatch a kid - he blew out his "good" knee in VA on Thursday, so he'll be at the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville this afternoon seeing when the next replacement will be. I hope he got a punch card - fill it out and he gets an oil change or a blood transfusion for free or something =)
   
5. Al and Jenna have amazing vocal ranges. Also, it takes at least three times as long to go somewhere on season than it does off season. Al and Jenna are only happy when the van goes at least 45 mph. Sigh.
   
6. It is possible to function without sleep for four days. Adam, the girls and myself are proof. The longest they slept the whole time was two hours. Wee! When we put them in the car to head out yesterday (my dad left early, and we did too), they fell asleep, and we actually had to stop for gas hours away before they woke up. And then they fell asleep again, waking up about Harrodsburg.
   
7. Jenna loves to swim!! Movies will be up later today (once Adam wakes up)
   
8. If you leave your purse in a hotel room, it's really hard to use the Subway card that's almost full for dinner on the way home.
   
9. If the kids are happy: Eville-Pigeon Forge takes just at 7 hours with one stop (aside from pulling over to hop in the backest seat to feed them once). If they are cranky, 10+ hours and four stops. And the Tennessee Welcome Center closes its restrooms at night, as an FYI.

It's a little hard to see...

...from this angle, but both of their rear-ends are about 6" in the air. Life imitating art?

Band Nerd

I've finally figured out what studying woodwinds and brass for 15 years has gotten me: The ability to zrbert for long periods of time.

Although you know it's been a really long day when your zrberting muscles ache.

Food and air hockey

The previous pictures were brought to you by:

• Two containers of bananas
• One container of sweet potatoes
• One container of peaches
• Two bottles
• One bath
• One hour of screaming because slow mom couldn’t reload the spoon fast enough. (You know, since one hand had a bottle in the other’s mouth =))

By the way...since food got everywhere, I actually just picked them up, feeding chairs and all, and plopped them (sans diaper) in the tub.

Did you know feeding chairs can float just a little?

It was a lot like washing two cats on an air hockey table

Eerie

Is this what they are going to look like in 20 years? Allison falling asleep studying and Jenna waking up next to some strange guy after a fit of binge eating and drinking?

Damn you, Gary Gygax

Mom, when do know when you are ready to have sex?

When your boyfriend burns his Monster Manual, honey. Make sure it's his, and make sure you watch.

Friday Highlights

Our story begins when our heroine, after driving her daughters through torrential rains and grumpy fits for four hours returns home and starts to feed them. Again. The Hunter/Gatherer returns home to have his daughters thrust at him, while our heroine retreats to the bedroom to have a snack and enjoy a few minutes of solace before making dinner. The Hunter/Gatherer procedes to feed his daughters bottles and something sticky (applesauce?).

Our heroine has just climbed into bed. Her trusty gray cat has assumed his position with his rear end approximately 6" from her face. As her eyes were closing, she notices the pale yellow/white tube-like thing protruding from said asshole. Eyes snap open, procedes to carry trusty gray cat, ass first, downstairs towards the Hunter/Gatherer.

After changing the litter, the Hunter/Gatherer proclaims there not to be any worms. We procede to prompt the gray cat to make haste (yelling "Poop! Damn you!" doesn't work really well, but amused said daughters).

As our heroine researches various worms and parasites, the decision is made to just wait it out a little. Our heroine retreats back upstairs, the Hunter/Gatherer back down to the girls. Our heroine climbs back into bed, eyes about to shut, when the trusty gray cat assumes the position. Our trusty heroine decides she is not in the mood to wait, so, gray cat ass-forward in tow, she seeks out the Hunter/Gatherer.

Bravely, the Hunter/Gatherer starts the extrication process while our heroine holds down the trusty gray cat, who really isn't fussing that much. Do to limited visability, our heroine cannot see what is happening down cat, but can see the amused/horrified/impressed look on the Hunter/Gatherer's face.

Apparently, the trusty gray cat decided it would be a good idea to eat....a bristle from a kitchen broom. A corn broom. With about 12-18" bristles. At least it came out in one piece.

As the Hunter/Gatherer goes off to wash his hands for 20 minutes, our heroine goes down to rescue a screaming child. Only to find that the Hunter/Gatherer had made a couple of tragic flaws:

1. Not washing the older daughters hand as well as he could have
2. Giving said daughter a large, black, skunk puppet to play with.

Our heroine hauls the elder daughter back up to the kitchen sink, where she spends the 15 minutes dehairing her daugther. Think of a furry tarbaby, and you have the idea. Nothing quite like hosing down a grinning, excited sugar fiend with black fur stuck to her face. And hands. And feet. And neck. And somehow in her diaper.

Approximately an hour and a half after our heroine tries to retreat to her bedroom, her eyes finally close. In bed, even.

So....

....when I have one of my huge sneezes, think Jasper's wang flops up and down?

(PS> I'll never forget that there was a training folder that predated me at the Library that had instructions for using the Wang. Those were about the only training materials I could find.)

As a side note, my mom always swore she wouldn't ground me, but legally have my name changed to Lena if I deserved it. That would have made me Lena Lynn Lema until I was 18. Made me a goody two-shoes in high school is what it really did =)

The Series Has Landed

Okay, the blog has landed (sorry Futurama). I'll get this thing kicking as time allows!